Google’s new policy forbids employees from having ‘raging debates’ over Pokémon Go

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In an effort to achieve zero work-related injuries, Google will ban discussion about the popular location-based AR game. This action comes after a senior developer physically abused a coworker when said person described the fish Pokémon Magicarp as ‘cuty woobly’.

In a company wide memo, VP People Operations Eileen Naughton explained: “While sharing gym tactics and trading Pokémon with colleagues helps build community, disrupting the workday to have a raging debate over which is the cutest does not. And after all, we all know Magicarp wins that battle.”

“This isn’t the end of Google, but it’s the end of Google as we know it”, according to long-term employees L. Page & S. Brin. “It’s possible Google will be able to attract the same generation 1 Pokémon it always has. But it’s more likely that the change in corporate culture means the next generation Pokémon won’t see it as the cool place it started out as.”